How do you know if you are healthy? You visit the doctor for a check up, an evaluation if you will. When we are in school we take tests to make sure we are retaining information. Many careers require continuing education units to ensure that professionals stay current with academic or technological advances. There are no such requirements for marriage. We owe it to each other to invest in our relationship. When was the last time you assessed your relationship?
Set a date in a week or two based on your schedule to discuss the following questions. You are more likely to get through them all if you review and answer the questions before hand so you can have a fluid responses when you are together. The added benefit of written answers is that your responses are not influenced by your spouse's answers.
Are you on the same page with your basic values and life goals?
Are you in sync with spiritual, emotional, and physical goals?
Is there a strong sense of trust? Are you able to openly discuss the ups, downs, and everything in between?
Do you accept each other for who you are without conditions?
Do you spend quality time together doing things you both enjoy?
Are you inspiring each other to be the best versions of yourself? Do you encourage each other to evolve?
Are you able to be vulnerable and share your needs and wants?
Do you have realistic expectations for your relationship?
Are you able to accept each other's differences?
How easily are you able to problem solve, resolve conflicts, without holding a grudge?
Do you both contribute to the success of your relationship? Do you each bring your strengths for the benefit of your team?
Do you honor each other’s family and friendships?
Do you express appreciation for each other?
Fee free to add any additional questions relevant to your relationship.
The goal is to take a pulse on your relationship. There are times when one person thinks everything is great while the other is struggling. We experience personal, spiritual, and emotional growth independently and we can forget to share that with our spouse when it occurs. You may or may not have completely compatible answers, either way isn't a problem. How or if you address the differences is what counts. This exercise offers opportunities to grow closer to you partner by addressing areas that need attention before they become a problem.
If you know a problem already exists or if this unveils a larger issue, please seek professional help.