Do you recall Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs? He stated needs can be divided into two categories, deficiency needs or bottom tier such as physiological (survival) needs at the bottom and the more creative and intellectually oriented ‘self-actualization’ or growth needs at the top. Our needs are complex and multifaceted. The needs are not fixed, so one person needs creativity more while someone else needs connection more. Here is a list of needs that, when unmet, can lead to dissatisfaction or distress:
Physiological Needs:
Adequate nutrition, water, sleep, and physical health
Shelter and a safe living environment
Safety and Security:
Personal safety and protection from harm
Financial stability and job security
Health and wellness
Belonging and Connection:
Social relationships and a sense of belonging
Friendship and a community of like-minded individuals
Esteem and Recognition:
Recognition for efforts, achievements, and contributions
Self-respect and a positive self-image
Feeling valued by others
Autonomy and Control:
Independence and the ability to make choices
Control over one's own life and decisions
Freedom to express oneself
Competence and Mastery:
Opportunities for personal growth and learning
Feeling competent in one's endeavors
Challenging and meaningful tasks
Meaning and Purpose:
A sense of purpose and direction in life
Contributions to a more significant cause or community
Fulfillment through meaningful activities
Adventure and Novelty:
Variety and excitement in life
Novel experiences and exploration
Creativity and the opportunity for new challenges
Stimulation and Learning:
Intellectual stimulation and curiosity
Opportunities for ongoing learning and development
Exposure to new ideas and perspectives
Appreciation:
Feeling acknowledged and appreciated
Positive feedback and affirmation from others
Equity and Fairness:
Fair treatment and justice in personal and societal interactions
Equality and non-discrimination
A sense of fairness in relationships and communities
Freedom and Independence:
Autonomy and the ability to make choices independently
Freedom from oppressive influences or constraints
Living in a judgment-free zone
Closeness and Intimacy:
Emotional closeness and connection with others
Intimate relationships that provide emotional support
Trust and vulnerability in relationships
Have you wondered why things appear good but feel like you are struggling? It could be the result of an unmet need. Switching from working outside the home to being a stay-at-home parent can trigger the need for competency and mastery you weren’t anticipating. Likewise, a confident, secure person could appear insecure because they crave appreciation and recognition no
longer received from the workplace.
After years of togetherness and hyper-focusing on the needs of the children, it’s easy for couples to lose the adventure and novelty that once existed in their relationship. Instead of recognizing the need and finding activities to do together, some couples fill these voids independently, which can begin the growing apart phase.
It's important to note that while these needs are interconnected, their significance may vary for each individual. Just because you don't need freedom and independence doesn't mean your partner doesn't need it. Understanding and addressing unmet needs can contribute to personal growth, improved well-being, and stronger relationships. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can also help address these needs. To improve your relationship, identify your top 5 needs and tell your partner how you feel when unmet or met. Sometimes, merely expressing our needs can be enough to help our partner fulfill them; other times, a deeper understanding of the impact on your life helps them get a clearer sense of what’s needed. They may not have realized how important it was for us, especially if it was not necessary for them.
You can also have these conversations with your parents, siblings, or close friends.